


To Be An Heir

by ExhaustedCommonSense



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Dark Crack, lordships and titles, the wizarding world is insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 01:57:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13203306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExhaustedCommonSense/pseuds/ExhaustedCommonSense
Summary: “The real trick is once you’ve become heir. Patricide is one of the leading causes of death you know. It’s always a proud moment for the family when the heir is powerful enough to inherit.”





	To Be An Heir

“Of course, Malfoy hates him,” Ron stared at Hermione. “He was next in line for the Black title until Sirius named Harry as his heir.”

Hermione and Harry exchanged a look. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything!” Ron burst out. “The wizarding world revolves around how many titles you have. It’s why most pure blood families only have one son.”

“I’m lost,” Harry turned to Hermione, who for once was looking just as confused.

“Well,” Ron explained. “If you were to die, the Black title would go to Malfoy. He’s already the heir to the Malfoy title, but you have the Potter title, and now you’re heir to the Black title too. That gives you even more power.”

“Right,” Harry blinked in surprise. “But that’s only in the old families who care about stuff like blood purity.”

Ron snorted, pleased to be the one who knew more for once. “Not at all. Think about it, how many guys do you know who have brothers? Rumour has it that Zabini had an elder brother, but he must take after his mum, coz he’s the heir now and the brother’s nowhere to be found.”

“You’re saying brothers would kill each other for a title?” Hermione exclaimed.

“Of course, they would,” Neville interrupted, overhearing them. “My nan said that my parents had agreed to only have me. Probably just as well, I wouldn’t have survived to get to Hogwarts otherwise.”

“But you’re a Light family,” Harry said to Neville.

“Yeah,” Neville nodded. “But I’m also heir to the Longbottom title. It’s a shame my dads so protected at St Mungo’s, I could already have the title like you do.” He sighed and wandered off, oblivious to the horrified looks Hermione and Harry were sending him.

“I’d be careful there, Harry,” Ron warned. “He’s heir to the Potter title too. He’s never really been a threat though, so you’re probably alright.”

“I just need to worry about Malfoy then,” Harry said sarcastically, still struggling to believe that his rivalry with Malfoy was over a title he didn’t even know he had.

“Well, yeah,” Ron shrugged. “Could be worse. I have five elder brothers to get through.”

“You can’t be serious,” Hermione boggled. “You wouldn’t kill your brothers.”

“Not yet,” Ron agreed. “It’s like a game of chess. I’m waiting for them to take out each other first.”

“You have always had five brothers, right?” Harry asked uneasily.

“Oh yeah, but not for lack of trying,” Ron grinned. “Bill moved to Egypt to be safer. He’s the eldest so he’s the current heir and the one in most danger. Course, we still go visit him, it’s only fair to give us a chance. Last time we were there the twins nearly got rid of Percy, but they didn’t shut the pyramid in time.”

“Is that why Charlie’s in Romania?” Hermione asked faintly. “To stay out of danger?”

“Sort of,” Ron laughed. “That was also Bill’s doing, he filled his head with dragon stories in the hopes he’d get eaten the first day on the job. He’s had a few burns and close calls, but there’s still time yet.”

“What does Ginny think of this madness?” Hermione questioned.

“She doesn’t much care yet,” Ron shrugged. “She’s waiting until females can inherit. We’ll all be in danger then. It’s the twins we have to watch out for at the moment; they work together and they’ve had a lot of near successes. Nearly killed me that time they turned my teddy bear into a poisonous tarantula, and they make monthly attempts on Percy, the git. They don’t bother me too much now, I have to dodge a few deadly sweets, but most of my family think I’ll be killed on one of our adventures, it’s why my brothers are so fond of you, Harry.”

“Right,” Harry blinked. “Glad to do my bit.”

Ron chuckled. “The real trick is once you’ve become heir. Patricide is one of the leading causes of death you know. It’s always a proud moment for the family when the heir is powerful enough to inherit.”

“The wizarding world is insane,” Hermione stated, half convinced she was in shock.

“If I kill Malfoy…” Harry wondered. “Would I get the Malfoy title too?”

“Insane,” Hermione repeated.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted Draco to be in this, but I couldn't make it fit.
> 
> I like to imagine the Weasley house to be like the Addams family: lots of flying weapons, murder attempts, and loving parents.
> 
> Tumblr: [@exhaustedcommonsense](https://exhaustedcommonsense.tumblr.com)


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